Did Jesus Fart?

So a friend of mine, let’s call him Sushi The Lumberjack, told me this story.  Details are vague to protect identities yada yada yada.

Sushi The Lumberjack was doing some construction work on a house when he heard the owner, a woman, in the next room, talking out loud.  Thinking she was speaking to him, Sushi went to her but found her alone.  He went back to work, but heard  her saying, “He won’t believe me?  Then should I say it anyway?”  Shortly thereafter she came to talk to Sushi.

“Jesus told me you’re not going to believe me, but He wants you to know that everything’s going to be okay.”

“Crazy lady,” Sushi said when he told me the story, but then added, “I was kind of going through a bad time, and now things are better.  You think God does stuff like that?”

That’s always the question, isn’t it?

You come up to me in the grocery store, hand me the pint of fat free sour cream I was looking for and tell me God has a message for me, I’m going to think you’re unhinged.  And annoying.

If I’m burdened by some message for you, from God, and actually get up the nerve to deliver it, you’re going to unfriend me on Facebook.

We believers believe.  We believe that Jesus healed the lepers and the blind man.  We believe that He was born of a virgin, that He died and rose again.  We believe that because He loves us and paid the price for our sins, we’re going to be welcomed into a heaven we don’t deserve.

But do we, can we, believe that God would embarrass us by sending some socially inept person to deliver a message we don’t feel like hearing?

We want to believe that God has more class than that.  You know, God would never double-dip the Doritos at the Christmas office party.  He’d never laugh until goat milk came out of his nose.  He would never expose underlying family tension at a holiday dinner or call someone out on a polite expression of gratitude over an unfortunate regifting.  I mean, ask yourself this question:  He had a body, right?

So, did Jesus fart?

Are you cringing?

I kind of am, truthfully.  Partly because that question only leads to further speculation.  They ate a lot of lentils and olives, right?  Did that make it worse?  Did he ever fart in Temple?  Did he try to look casual, or look around accusingly?  Did he laugh and wave His hand in front of His nose?  So uncool.

Also, we’re talking about our Lord and Savior here.  Surely it’s even a sin to even suggest that He would be less than couth in any social context.  Our Lord and Savior wants us to be happy.  And serene and complacent in our surroundings.    He wants to behave properly in society and to avoid those who act improperly.

You know.

Like John the Baptist.

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